Unexpected meeting

After my divorce I didn't feel that life could surprise me, or at least I wasn't open to it. The actual truth was, I was afraid that no one would want me. More importantly I looked in the mirror and saw wrinkles, thinning skin, I just didn't feel attractive and still adding to the emotional vomiting was that I believed that no one would want my chaos. 

As I am a writing this i'm thinking about the photo that I took when I first met the person I would eventually marry and, that would crush me, and I don't mean my heart but in every way. I was so scared to take risks again, to rebuild. but I was also stuck in my head and life just didn't feel safe after divorce. 

Crazy. As I'm writing this, years later, watching "Anyone but you" starring Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell a romantic comedy of two people who meet, misunderstood each other and obviously met at the wrong time but they ended up together. They misread each other at the Start and realised that they actually wanted each other. 

You can actually meet people that we could be meant for but at the wrong time, while we are healing, reading everything as red flags or acting anxious (which is not attractive) and it just doesn't work. Not because it couldn't, but because all the wounds and protection strategies were coming out the wood works. Think of the Mona Lisa if it was painted when intoxicated, may look similar but possible ended up a bit out of perspective. 

But my point was, that the FEAR of uncertainty kept me stuck. I had to test my capabilities and a new location and a shitty coffee seemed to be the trick. I hadn't travelled in years and never been out of the country, so a different state was the start. Meeting someone I had never met before was the surprise and also the awakening I needed. To be brutally honest, even the relationship that lasted 4 years after by divorce didn't wake me up to the passion that I had before I got married. And though short lived, with meeting this new person, I held onto that feeling, a realisation that I had it all along, it was from inside, apart of me and not from anyone else. It's just that someone woke that part of me up. 

What I don't want is for my daughter to have to wait years to travel into her unknown, her uncertainty and hide away from her life with fear. So if this is similar to your story? if you are waiting for a sign to actually take a trip somewhere or meet someone that may surprise you, please take that leap of faith. Travel, and realising that you are more capable than you think you are may give you the courage and strength to take on new challenges in life and stop looking for all the potential  red flags that closes you off to life and love, creation and passion.